The Glow at the End of the Road

My mind is buzzing with all these less than important thoughts. Its slowly getting difficult to control 'em, put a reign on 'em. They are getting so over-overwhelmingly powerful that ignoring them or side stepping aint in the book. I don't want to think about what has already happened as that is a past i don't want to relive again. But its slowly but surely finding its way back into the deep recesses of my brain as if it never really left me. I know how important and crucial this juncture is in my life as it decides how I make or break my future. But this is something i cant, as they say, push under the carpet. The carpet has turned into a mountain. I've never really felt this comfortable and at ease with anyone before, not this early a stage, i would say. But parallelly, I'm equally frightened of losing a good friend. A friend who is matured, sensible and intelligent. A friend who knows what to say and how much. A friend who knows where to put a stop and where to go with the flow. Its difficult to find such a person, that too..........am at a loss for words like before.
I've just been in one single serious relationship before. But that turned out to be a miserable experience. It taught me not to give away what you only get once. " I will not hurt, nor will I suffer, I'd rather be a mute witness and face the atrocities committed against mankind with a face like stone".
Am writing this because it eases the stress and the tension up in my head. There's no one really there with whom i can share all this, because, its beyond them to grasp my vision and its beyond me to let them grasp me.
I will be strong, I will be clear, I will stand tall and live life without fear. But I will not shame myself nor shall I repeat my wishes as when my wishes become horses, my stable becomes full and I don't have room for another beautiful thought.....